How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
