Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
