Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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