I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
