somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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