He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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