I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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