hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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