Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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