the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
