theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
