Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's blow job season.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
