Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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