shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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