It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
