Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Welp...herpes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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