FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
