i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize