what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
