I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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