you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
