dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
