Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
