Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
