...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
