my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
