the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
