Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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