if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
