Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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