I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
