All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
