Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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