I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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