Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
