I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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