theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
