If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
