The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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