remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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