I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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