we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
