I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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