I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
please come you make the beer taste better
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
