do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
