I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
