So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
