if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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