Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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