So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
