booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
