Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
