i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
