Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
