can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I did not marry a roomba.
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