nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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