he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
