So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
