And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
