Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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