he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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