Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
