The beer is more important than you right now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
