you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize