She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
