I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There r osticjed everywhere
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
