stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize