I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
