just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
