Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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