She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
