just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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