I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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