can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
