haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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