thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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