I just saw a hot homeless man
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
