Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
