dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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