It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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