i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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